Monday, August 22, 2011- Growing fingers

Went to see damn Yankees last night with Charlie

Awoke at 5 am. And went back to sleep

I had gone to see a guru.

I went back to my room I had a very heavy object which contained pictures of this guru and others hanging from a log that helps hold up the ceiling of my room. I was with a friend who said she took it down because she thought it might collapse the ceiling.

I looked at the pictures. Then something happened. My fingers began changing sizes. The index finger world suddenly gain an ¼ inch or so. The pinky would get tiny... then the ring finger would get long and another would get smaller. I went back out to the living room where my brother and others were and showed them what was happening. I could feel the spiritual energy surging through me. So I knew that it came form some transmission.

I didn’t know why it was happening or what it meant. We were standing outside. And the guru comes by. Everyone wants to talk to him- he says he wants to meet with the new people - the ones he hasn’t met yet. So I step back. I see Amy krantz in the crowd- I smile at her and she smiles back. I know this is some kind of reconciliation.

A little later when he is alone, I approach him and show him what’s going on with my fingers. He also doesn’t knowm, but tells me a story about people how who come to him for cures and later they get healed. He doesn’t know how it happens but it does. He assumes that what’s happening with my fingers has similar explanation. We are standing together high on a mountain. My brother and some friends are walking on a path below. I realized I have been inside all the time and should be seeing this marvelous mountain. I realize the Guru doesn’t really know what’s happening to me either. But I do know its spiritual energy because I feel it strongly in my body. The view from the mountain is glorious. There was something else when I was back in the living room with my brother and others. He was talking about the translation of some spiritual books that I was doing. "She believes this crazy stuff," he says to Zara... She agrees with him since – 
"oh come on Zara," I say to my brother. "She believes more way out stuff then me."

It’s very strange in my dream watching these fingers getting longer and shorter.


this is Kalu Rinpoche- I received an empowerment from him the other night-
he didn't look like the guru in the dream who was alot older. 

Kalu Rinpoche

Tonight I went to the dharma center to welcome Kalu Rinpoche. I had met his  previous reincarnation quite  few times in the 80's I guess. Very wonderful powerful beautiful mind heart and soul. This young new Lama 21 years old charming friendly. I dropped the kata just as he was in front of me . He picked it up from the ground and placed it round my neck.

August 16th 2011

Woke up with a snatch of a dream.

If you want to remember your dreams,­­­­ tell yourself before you go to sleep at night. And when you awake in the morning don’t - I SAY DON’T - move your head or the dream will pour out and spill into dark matter.

So I lay in my bed with the image caught in those last moments of the dream, and then gradually more and more came back... not all, I’m sure, but I did get an insight into my life...

So ya wanna hear it?

I was in some play being made into a movie - I was a young guy, maybe 30 or so... there was an old woman and a middle aged man.

I said to the director "You could have spent more than 15 minutes in Queens to find the right actor (I was referring to the middle aged, balding, plump man who seemed inadequate for the part.) We were going to sleep on bunk beds - and we were watching a video of a elderly women who had a terrible problem with her mouth since birth. She reveals such pathos, such deep sensitivity, she is so moving, I realize we MUST have her in the movie instead of the actress we have now.

We travel out to her home. The boy actor (who’s not me any longer) has the same malady. The mouth is shaped like a flower but you can not speak with it. He shows the woman he has the same condition. In the dream we realize that this will make everything alright. That the love and understanding between the boy and the woman is immediate. And suddenly that affliction becomes something wondrous like the blooming of of a hundred flowers in a delicious garden.

I now become Helen and have to find a room to sleep in. I go to my room, but my father Sidney has put a young girl there leaving light on for her. (she’s scared to sleep in the dark). But I can not sleep with the light on. I realize I can go and sleep in Arthur’s room (this is my cousin Arthur- it turns out he is the young actor in the movie and now he looks chubbier thatn he did as a youth) there is an extra bed in his room. I am delighted to be sharing the room with him.

While pondering this dream, I see the vulnerability of both Arthur and the woman is very touching. The inadequate man looks like my father in his middle age. And now I think of my current boyfriend who wears his vulnerability proudly. Unlike my father who tried to hide it beneath bravado. I see that vulnerably reveals such sweetness in men... and suddenly I now feel a deeper closeness and understanding of my father. And see my current boyfriend is like my father in that aspect and my heart opens to both of them..

My father, Sidney Kritzler, on his wedding day

Dreams and nightmarish love & hate -
 Oh what dear mind will you bring to my fate? 

 Tonight I listened to a talk of black holes

 Galaxies eating other galaxies

a million times larger than our sun, 

Particles emerging and disappearing out of nothing- virtual energy.

Will these thoughts enter my dream world?

I think not...